Premium Vantage Points! (originally published in Westchester Review)
Premium Vantage Points!
Are you a director? Or for that matter, anyone involved in the fine art of filmmaking? Well have we got news for you!
We know you’re getting tired of working with the CGI of yesteryear. We know it’s a headache working month after month to create jaw-dropping onscreen explosions (we’re looking at you, Michael Bay). Well go ahead and toss all that simulated nonsense in the trash, and look no further than NASA’s upcoming expedition, Europa 43!
For the past decade, billions of dollars have been funneled into the Europa project, which promises to land a rover on Jupiter’s fourth largest, frost-covered moon. Once landed, the plan is for the rover to collect samples of ice and silicate rock, thus determining if the frigid orb might harbor life.
Sounds pretty cool, huh? Well what’s even cooler is that, if this painstakingly researched, revolutionary mission doesn’t work out (the rover’s launch fails due to any number of technical errors resulting in combustion of colossal proportions) there’s a golden opportunity for you. At long last, you’ll be able to capture the explosion you’ve dreamt about since you were just a tyke!
[Before we say anything further we feel obliged to make it clear that we at Premium Vantage Points™ support the Europa 43 mission wholeheartedly. We 100% hope it is a success and would be the first to celebrate its completed voyage.]
But in the extreme likelihood that the rover’s shuttle detonates upon launch, thereby continuing the historical trend of aero-spatial failures, we want to be prepared. And more importantly, we want you to be prepared. It would be a shame for no one to find a silver lining in the tragic, probable event of Europa 43 exploding. That’s where you come in!
There’s no better way to get the attention of fans and movie-critics alike than to include a REAL LIFE EXPLOSION in your film. How many moviegoers could pass up the opportunity to see the sort of masterpiece that boasts government-funded pyrotechnics? I’ll tell you how many: zero, zilch, no way.
That’s why we’re so happy to be able to offer you (Kubricks of the future) a Premium Vantage Point ™ less than forty yards from the Europa launch site!
What is a Premium Vantage Point? You may be asking.
Put simply, it’s an official reservation, granting you the right to an unimpeded view of Europa’s takeoff. With the purchase of your PVP, (just three easy payments of $999), you ensure yourself a spot in our open-air, luxury facilities the day of the launch. Not only that, you also get a Premium Vantage Point ™-certified license to set up your cameras, and a complimentary “I <3 NASA” T-shirt upon your arrival.
Don’t wait until the last minute to book your spot! Other savvy filmmakers may have already leapt on this golden opportunity by the time you get your butt off the couch! Call or click today at:
1 -800 – VANTAGE
Premiumvantagepoints.org
Disclaimer: Premium Vantage Points ™ is responsible for absolutely no refunds in the event that Europa 43 safely launches from Earth. However, in the case of said success, each and every “I <3 NASA” shirt must be promptly returned to its respective vendor. Failure to comply will result in immediate, and decisive legal action.